Young adult fiction writer, Patty Blount, raises an important question in this post on bullying and youth sports. How is playing sports in today’s youth sports culture affecting our kids? Are they learning about leadership, cooperation and teamwork, as we hope and expect when we—their parents—enroll them in sports and encourage them to play hard and strive to succeed? Or are they becoming hardened kids introduced to a culture of hazing, meanness, and win-at-all-costs hyper competitiveness, which shapes them into entitled teenagers who bully less athletic kids and care only about winning?
We want our kids to become more human as they grow older, not less. We want them to discover their own humanity during social interactions, through activities like sports. They play to have fun, make friends, develop skills, and discover their own creativity. But too often, on the field of play, we see children enact and mimic adult-sanctioned or tolerated behavior. When the dehumanizing of another child is fueled by fierce competitiveness, why do we let it slide? The message our kids take in is that “in order for me to succeed, I need to make that other kid smaller. That’s the only way I’ll get bigger. Better. Be the best.”
This mind-set is often reinforced by the very adults tasked with teaching and developing our athletes. As the article Bullying Behavior by Athletic Coaches in the February issue of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ Pediatric Perspectives points out, “although plenty of coaches use affirming and encouraging coaching styles, bullying behavior such as demeaning, shaming, and name-calling remains a common aspect of coaching in sports at any level.”
As parents we must be vigilant. We need to get to know the coaches who work with our kids. To ensure that their values align with ours. It’s also critical that we self-moderate. When we become aggressive, performance obsessed parents we too can be sending the wrong social messages to our children.
What it boils down to? It’s up to us—the adults—to lead by example. We can strive to model compassion and cooperation, rather than abusiveness and a single-minded focus on performance. And stay involved. Whether we are parents, coaches, or league administrators, it is our role to step in when player or team behavior takes a wrong turn, each and every time. To guide our young athletes every step of the way, on each team, in every age group. To constantly reinforce that bullying and meanness are not appropriate.
Luis Fernando Llosa is an investigative reporter, writer, editor, speaker, youth sports consultant, and a co-founder of Whole Child Sports, and co-author of Beyond Winning: Smart Parenting in a Toxic Sports Environment along with Scott Lancaster and Kim John Payne.