Have you found creating a healthy routine to be an uphill battle? Or do you find yourself completely repelled by the idea of routine? Many families struggle with this concept at first, or feel it won’t fit their personalities to add some predictability to life. Kim John Payne wrote more on this topic recently and offers a new perspective for families who know the value of rhythm but simply struggle to implement it. I wanted to share his words today as an encouragement to you!
Kim writes, “Many parents understandably have four main concerns around routine. Firstly, we can resist introducing routines with our own families as it can push our old biographical buttons about our own upbringing. Secondly, routine can be associated with being boring. Routines can be the cause if a lot of family friction. And lastly, routine can risk squashing our families freedoms and spontaneity. So here is my response…
If we shift our conversation from thinking about it as “routine” and instead see it “rhythm” we right away change the game. Routine can be boring, rigid, cold and enforced. Rhythm, on the other hand, can build relationships, be flexible and warm. The difference? When we apply rhythm we stay close to our children rather than send them off to do their chores. We start by making the time together where we do something at the same time each day fun, a little lighthearted and something to look forward to. We are firm but warm. It builds relationships and closeness. But most of all applying rhythm to the predictably difficult moments of each day, the flash points around transitions are a good example, we help the kids get into a slip stream of rhythm rather than resisting and fighting us. If transitioning out of the house in the mornings to get to day care or school is a problem then introduce warm, calm and firm rhythms where you do it the same way, at the same time every day. Sure, it requires you to find more form within yourself, but the pay off is amazing.
One parent commented on our Simplicity Parenting Face Book page, “Before making my home predicable and rhythmical everything was a fight, everything was hard, now even when there is some difficulty it is so easy to keep moving forward into a well grooved rhythm rather than getting stuck in my son’s resistance. Yes it took some doing but it is so worth it.”