On Sunday, I posted on my personal Facebook page that we had just got through a couple of meltdowns and that although I’m generally pretty calm, I’m not always. And sometimes I react. I raise my voice. I get frustrated.
Now, part of me felt very vulnerable sharing. I didn’t want to be judged. I didn’t want to be perceived as a bad mom (I’m not) and I wasn’t looking for advice. I just wanted to breathe in the moment and let others know that it happens. This is real life. Kids cry. Sometimes parents don’t want to be parents. Sometimes we react in ways we’re not proud of and sometimes we slip up. It’s part of being human. It’s so easy to feel and think that everyone else has their act together. And then what really gets me, is how hard we can be on ourselves.
What we want – or I suppose, what I want, is permission.
Brene Brown, shame researcher, talks about giving ourselves permission and how before she goes up on stage, for example, she actually has little permission slips in her pockets to remind her that she can goof up, act silly, be herself. I participated in her workshop called The Daring Way given by a trained facilitator in January here in Toronto and every week we wrote on post it notes what we were giving ourselves permission for.
I give myself permission to:
- make mistakes
- be imperfect
- feel my feelings
- be real and honest
- to not know it all
- to cry
Releasing some of the pressures we put on ourselves can be scary – it’s like we equate needing help, crying and not knowing all of the answers as being weak. But it’s the furthest thing from the truth.
The strong person does what she has to do, maybe at first for her kids or her marriage, but ultimately it’s for her. She wants to feel alive, connected, calm, confident, strong, and resilient.
And that doesn’t mean you get parenting and life 100% perfect, but that you know you are enough just the way you are now. And you don’t poo poo all over yourself (you catch yourself and reframe it with “I’m doing the best that I can” or ask yourself “What do I need right now?”)
In the end, me, you, our kids, we are all worthy of love and belonging, no matter what.
What do you give yourself permission for today?
Lynne Newman is a resilient woman, wife and mom. After supporting hundreds of families during challenging times as a a registered Occupational Therapist, she experienced her own Divine Storm.
She was called to step up her game, to bring her health to a whole new level when she suffered two miscarriages and months of infertility. As she began her research into the mind-body connection, she embarked on a journey of extreme self-care, simplifying and holistic health. All of which was preparing her for the day her husband was diagnosed with life threatening cancer.
She is now offering coaching services which combine all of her skills, knowledge and insight, to give you the hope and strength to overcome the struggle that you face.