We had a great discussion earlier in this study about simplifying material things in our children’s environments – and this week we apply the same principle to our schedules. As Kim says in this chapter, “Just as too many toys may stifle creativity, too may scheduled activities may limit a child’s ability to direct themselves, to fill their own time, to find and follow their own path.”
Research sited in the book notes that, since 1981, homework time has doubled, scheduled extracurricular activities have doubled, and school days have lengthened – so that time for child-directed play is scarce. Neighborhood pick-up games have been replaced by organized leagues, directed by adults. Even play is often adult-directed – I know I have often felt that I needed to pull out my Mary Poppins bag and fill my own boys’ days with learning activities! But what a relief to know that we can relax. That the best learning happens without us needing to be taxi drivers, shuffling our young children from place to place, or entertainers, always pulling out new things to entertain.
Kim suggests we discover “the gift of boredom” – and understand what a gift it truly is! Boredom can unleash some of the best, most creative, child-directed play – the kind that is the antidote to so many of the stresses they face. He says, “Let your kids be bored. Let them be. Sometimes in my lectures I write up a ‘prescription’ for parents: ‘Boredom. To be allowed three times a day, preferably before meals.”
By allowing down-time, we restore balance, and the “high” moments, the camping trips, the birthday parties, the trips to the zoo, are made even more valuable. They are anticipated. Daydreamed about. Remembered. Kim explains that anticipation counters instant gratification – and strengthens our children’s inner life with patience and an ability to wait, to hold back their own desire for ‘everything now.’
Some thoughts to start our discussion: (Discussion is in the comments below, all are welcome to join in!)
1. Kim clarifies the point (pg. 155) “I am not against sports, or toys…I am against the way that we’ve transposed adult endeavors – with an adult sense of competition, fanaticism, and consumerism – into children’s lives.” Do you see examples of this where you live? Can you envision a way for sports (or other often organized activities) to be enjoyed in a way that is more compatible with childhood?
2. What are some obstacles to observing Sabbath, and what are some practical ways to carve out rest time for the family?
3. What was most interesting to you about this chapter and why?