“Meaning hides in repetition: We do this every day or every week because it matters. We are connected by this thing we do together. We matter to one another. In the tapestry of childhood, what stands out is not the splashy, blow-out trip to Disneyland but the common threads that run throughout and repeat: the family dinners, nature walks, reading together at bedtime, Saturday morning pancakes.” – Kim John Payne
The message in this chapter is that we can help our children and our families thrive by providing elements of rhythm or predictability. Kim describes these rhythmic family rituals as “islands of consistency and security” that can give our children a chance to take a breath, to re-center, and to stay balanced. Learning is increased and tantrums are kept to a minimum. Our routines need not be complex — It may be one or two simple family rituals that connect your family. You will be amazed at how everyone benefits, and how you will look forward to these times just as much as your little ones!
If your family is busy, rhythm is still achievable, and is even more important. If both parents work, if hours are unpredictable, little rituals can work wonders to ground your family and give your children a sense of security.
Many of our parent bloggers have written beautiful posts about their own family rhythms:
- Gwen recently posted about a night-time ritual of milk and honey (a great sedative snack!) with story time before bed.
- Sommer wrote about her family’s habit of discussing “favorite things” or “highs and lows” at bedtime or at dinner. It is a chance for children to express something that was really great about the day, or something that was difficult for them.
- Laura shared her family’s “food rhythm.” The meals of the day give predictability, with Tuesday pasta, Thursday soup, etc. This reminds me of the predictability of summer camp, and seems a great way to envelop children in routine.
- Carrie wrote about a simple bedtime routine that has helped her little one with going to sleep at night.
- Kim wrote in this chapter about the importance of the family dinner, and of involving children in the preparation of it. Even if it is a simple task like washing lettuce or setting the table, involving children will ease their transition to the table. Other meaningful rituals may be added to dinner time, like a moment of silence, a verse, or a prayer.
- I wrote about a routine of cooking together that my boys enjoy. We like to have a “baking day” each week when we make our granola bars, bread, muffins, etc. Kids love to be involved in this!
You may find some of these inspiring, or you may have your own unique ways of connecting as a family.
For our discussion this week, let’s spur one another on by sharing what we have begun in our own homes, or what sort of rhythms we plan to implement in our families. (Discussion is in the comments below.)
Traci lives in Texas with her husband and two little boys. You can visit her blog, Educated for Love, or see the visual daily rhythm charts she makes at A Kid’s Day.