Thank you to all who are participating in the Simplicity Parenting book study! If you are just finding us this week, you are welcome to join in the discussion in the comments below. I am enjoying the thoughtfulness of your comments and the opportunity to learn from others’ experiences!
This week’s reading, Chapter 2, was on “Soul Fever” – Soul Fever is what Kim describes as the emotional equivalent of a physical fever. When small (or large) stresses accumulate, you may find your child with a soul fever…They are “out of sorts”, not at their best (and quite possibly at their worst) – and they may seem stuck in that frustrated state. Kim suggests that we notice this and take it as seriously as a physical fever – slowing down, drawing the child near, suspending normal routine in order to give the child the calm and safe space to untangle their “emotional knot” – to return to their best, most balanced self.
How do you know when your child is overwhelmed? Some children may become sullen, others hyperactive. Some may become more irritable, or have less patience with siblings. As Kim described in the book, when a child is overwhelmed with cumulative stress, it is almost as though your child becomes a caricature of his normal self, with all the “quirks” intensified.
This chapter came at an opportune time for me, as in our own home we’ve been busier than usual, with a pending move to a new town. I’ve seen the stress of that creeping up on my boys. Recently, I had planned to end a busy week by taking them out to a festival at our local nature center. It was a great event, but I hadn’t considered that we had already been over-scheduled for the week. It was as we were getting dressed to leave that my 4 year old (sometimes quite the sage!) pointed out his own soul fever. “Mommy, all I really want is for us to stay home and for you to help me dig for bugs in the yard.” So we did. It ended up being just what he needed and one of my favorite, most connected experiences as his mom. For my son, time exploring in nature is a sure tonic to soul fever, to too much busyness in our schedule. An uninterrupted morning digging under our tree in the back yard can have him calmed, back to his best self, truly present and free of some of those hyperactive little boy “quirks” that pop up with stress.
This chapter certainly helps me remember to have a good supply of compassion when I see my own little ones acting out due to stress. I loved the words quoted in this chapter, “When your child seems to deserve affection least, that’s when they need it most.” When the quirks are showing, when the behavior is most embarrassing, Kim makes the point that that is the time for us to draw them close, to dial back on daily routine, to have a quiet day at home – for many children this is all they need to come back to their best, to “reset.’
Some food for thought for this week (We have our discussion in the Comments section below):
When is it that your child is at his or her best? What activities are calm and centering?
How can you use this knowledge to care for your child next time you notice a soul fever? (Are there any obstacles you may need to overcome to make this possible?)
What was a new idea in this week’s reading you found interesting, or would like the group to discuss?