Special thanks to Laurel Moglen and The Mother Company for this lovely article and interview with Kim John Payne. Please visit The Mother Company to see the complete piece.
An interview with Kim John Payne
My kids are grilling me on what they’re going to get for the holidays and it’s driving me batty. I want to provide long-lasting gifts that will engage them for months — not hours. I want to give them fewer, so they really value what they receive, instead of getting greedy for mounds of junk robbing them of gratitude and me of cash. Can you tell I’ve been reading the Little House on the Prairie series? Those girls were stoked with a few bits of peppermint candy! Kim John Payne, Master of the simple life, helps guide parents on how to reframe gift-giving for us and our kids, making for a calmer, more meaningful holiday season. — Laurel Moglen, Managing Web Editor, TMC
If parents want to give fewer gifts, and more time during the holidays, what should they be doing right now to prepare their kids?
Dial down expectations. Politicians do this all the time, so that when something good happens, it’s not good, it’s great.
Starting now, have a talk with your kids emphasizing this holiday season is going to be simpler. You can say, “Sweetheart, we’re gonna have a simple holiday season this year. We’ll get you a few gifts, but not a ton. We’re just gonna have a lot of fun. We’ve got some board games coming up, and places to visit, and people to see.” Dial down expectations of material goods, and dial up expectations of connection and adventure.
An idea for parents is to create a gift-making corner. Put a bunch of found items (pinecones, empty toilet paper roles, tin foil, etc.) and allow the kids to make gifts for you or anyone else. This teaches them the value of time, creativity, and human connection.
Anything parents should avoid?
Minimize television watching, because now is the time advertisers are ramping up spending budgets using pester/power to influence us, and our kids. A study was done about this. When a child makes a request for a toy based on a TV ad, and they see this ad multiple times, a parent has to say “no” thirty times to hit the message home to their children. Parents get weighed-down and then cave before that thirtieth no. If children make a request, not driven by media exposure, a parent need say “no” 3-5 times. Limit advertising exposure.
How can parents buck societal pressure to provide tons of gifts for their kids during the holidays or any day?
Parents need to ask themselves if they want to raise their kids in a spirit of gratitude or entitlement.
The reality is the more we parents give, the more our kids want. This dynamic plays on the same brain centers as addictive tendencies. We all have addictive tendencies – wanting more and more. It all results in the increasing choice to replace connection with external stimulation. When purchasing leads to perceived happiness, or so-called satisfaction – we wake up the dragon of addiction in our children – which can spiral into other kinds of addictions.
If we understand the negative consequences of what giving copious gifts can do to children, perhaps this can help parents not load their kids up with everything they want – and everything they see their friends getting…
